Revan and the Fuzzball Army
by Sailoramber
Summary: Bastila doesn't seem to realize she should be kidnapped, Dantooine won't stay blown up and niether will Taris, Zalbaar seems to be cloning himself whenever people turn their backs, and Revan has finally snapped. based on the galaxy droid glitch
1. Chapter 1

revan and the fuzzball army

the story of the galaxy droid glitch

Sirvall shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts as she blasted the last of the enemy fighters out of space. But as hard as she tried, she could not keep that one thought out of her head.

No, not the one about Carth and the bowl of cream, that one was a good thought. The one about her being Revan is the one she would just as soon forget.

It was just downright impossible, implausible, and any other obscure vernacular for unlikely. It was about as likely as suddenly growing gills and being elected prime minister of Manaan. Yet there it was, all the pieces fit, the visions, everything the Jedi masters had said, the Kashyyk computers recognition, her own obsession with black flowing robes and metal masks… Sirvall felt around her neck, making sure she wasn't actually growing gills. As she expected, she found none. She wished this latest revelation was as insubstantial. But alas, even Bastilla supported the story; and getting anything out of that woman was like trying to pick all the warts off a rancor. Slow, futile, and potentially dangerous.

When the _Hawk_ at last slipped into hyperspace, leaving the menacing _Leviathan_ in the dust, she began to climb down from the gun turret. For a brief second she blacked out, instinctively she grabbed at the rungs of the ladder only to quite inexplicably find herself standing in the _Hawks_ main hold.

She looked around in surprise at the entire crew grouped around the table; Carth, Canderous, Zalbaar HK, Zalbaar, T3… wait a second.

Two Zalbaars! Sirvall felt a sudden need to sit down and did so, right in the middle of the main hold. What the hell was going on? First she finds out she's the ex dark lord of the Sith, then Bastilla gets herself kidnapped, then Sirvall starts jumping around to random places in the ship without warning, and now, to top it all off, she finds herself facing not one but two, count them, two Zalbaars.

The destruction of a planet she could handle, hell, even two planets, but this? This was too much.

She was pleased to see that she was not the only one looking confused; aside from herself, mission was the worst, she seemed to be having trouble breathing properly, the others all varied in degrees of shock; even HK managed to look uncertain; it was a kind of twitch in his servos that made his customary alert swiveling into a more wary glance. The two Zalbaars however, seemed unconcerned, or at least she thought they seemed unconcerned, it was kind of hard to tell under all that fur.

It was about this point that Sirvall decided she must be in some kind of delirium. Yes that was it, Malak had captured her and was torturing her; she had passed out from the pain and was now in some kind of self induced comma. Except she remembered the last torture induced dream she had had when Saul Karath had questioned her; she vaguely recalled running around with underwear that said 'the light side' on them and trying to make Malak wear them while Carth and Bastilla sang 'nobody knows the troubles I've seen'. This just didn't seem the same.

She kicked the closest person to her just to make sure;

"Ouch! You really are the Dark lord, I knew you hated me!" Carth whined, yep, this was reality. Or at least as much of a reality as can be claimed by a woman who was mind fucked with the force.

She put a hand to her forehead; this was stranger than the time she got drunk on Malastaar; _wait a second, that never happened_… she wondered which one of the old masters was responsible for _that_ memory. Probably Master Vrook, he always did have an odd sense off humor…

That was it, star forge or no, she was going to go back to Dantooine, dig those masters out of there graves, and give them the piece of her mind they hadn't already taken. _If your going to lose your mind, might as well do it in style_. She thought.

She stood up, kissed Carth, then proceeded to glance herself off, and dust the room with an imperious glare, _or was it the other way around?_ _Too late now_, and walk out of the room toward the cockpit.

Mission recovered her breathing just in time to ask;

"Is it just my imagination, or did she just dust the room with a glare?

"I'm confused." Carth added

A/N: This is just my take on the glitch you can get in the game after the leviathin mission. WhenI got thisI was confused as hell untillI went online to figure out what it was.I hope you enjoy this, but ifI don't get some hardcore reviews, i'm not going to continue this.

This fic is different from my others in thatI tried to be as shocking in my langauge asseemed reasonable, soI apologize ifI have offended anyone.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

Sirvall moved through the hawk, or at least she thought it was the hawk; the dimensions of the walls were all wrong, they were puffed outward like some giant clown had blown it up like a balloon. The communications room was slightly eerie in that it wasn't there anymore, when she tried to go into it was as if she was stepping into a void, so she just stopped trying to go in. Who needs to talk any way? In this day and age anybody that wanted to talk to her was probably out to kill her.

She bypassed the comm. room and went to the cockpit, where she stopped dead.

"Carth!" she yelled.

"Yes?" he said poking his head timidly around the side of the cockpit door.

"Why is there a galaxy droid hovering in front of me?" she asked.

"Galaxy droid?" he asked. They both looked, and it was indeed a galaxy droid, though how they knew was beyond Sirvall. She supposed it was the same reason she seemed to know peoples names before she talked to them, it was like a billboard in the top left section of her vision.

It had astounded her how many people had the name Tarisian Noble on Taris, and on Dantooine, she could hardly walk a yard without bumping into somebody named Jedi Knight. She just felt lucky she had that particular power, without it, she would surely get confused.

"I am the galaxy droid. I can take you any were in the galaxy." It told her.

"Oh yeah? Prove it, take us to Degohba." She said defiantly.

"Err, wouldn't you rather go to Manaan?" it asked hopefully.

"No, why would I want to go to Manaan, we were just there." She said, beginning to get annoyed.

"What about Kashyyk, wouldn't you rather go to Kashyyk?"

"No I don't want to go to Kashyyk! Are you sure you can actually go any were in the galaxy?"

"Yes I'm sure." It replied huffily

"Okay then, take us to Rhen Var."

"Erm…"

"Telos?"

"Sorry."

"Mon Calamari?"

"Nope."

"Malastaar?"

"Okay, okay, I admit, I can't go just any were, happy?" it said as it finally broke, sobbing electronic tears.

"Were can you go then." She asked skeptically.

"I can take you to the Endar spire, Taris, Dantooine, Tattooine, Kashyyk, Manaan, Koriban, the Leviathan, unknown planet, and the Star Forge." It said, regaining a little of its pride as it spoke.

"Well I wanted to go to Dantooine any way…" Sirvall said thoughtfully.

"Didn't you just hear what I said? I can take you to the **Star Forge**_hint, hint."_

"Quiet You. I'm trying to think…yes, Dantooine it is. Take us to Dantooine." She told it.

"Oh, good grief." They waited a beat while it transported them across space in an instant. She didn't seem to realize they had moved at all, so it informed her of the ships status.

"We're here. Isn't technology wonderful?"

"It would be if it weren't so cheap. Honestly, I could build a better droid in my sleep!" she groused

"Redundant Statement: you did master." HK added.

"Well, that explains a lot." Mission said noncommittally.

"Indignant query with threatening undertones: Are you casting aspersions as to the quality of my design, oh so small and easily killable one?"

"Why, yes I am." The Twi'lek replied cheekily. HK cocked his carbine.

"Threatening suggestion: then perhaps you would like to remove my restraint and obedience codes and find out just how 'inefficient' my design really is."

"I bet that would just make your day, wouldn't it, HK?" she taunted.

"statement: you have no idea."

Sirvall turned from the cockpit.

"That's enough bickering you two. Come on, let's go see what kind of damage Malak did." on the way through the hold she stopped once again, when she was confronted by, not two, but four Zalbaars. She stopped and stared. She didn't say anything, just stared for a minute, before blinking her eyes and continuing on to the boarding ramp.

"Alright, Jolee and Juhani, come with me." Sirvall said, pointing.

"oh, oh, I've got a question." Carth said before they could make their escape. Sirvall turned with a long suffering sigh.

"For the last time Carth, no you may not wear my underwear." She said

"That wasn't actually what I was going to ask, but since you mention it, I still don't see why–" he started.

"Forget it Carth, what was your question?"

"Well, I was just wondering why you only ever take two of our group with you at a time?"

"Erm, it's against the rules?"

"what rules?"

"you know, the rules. The rules that govern our very universe."

"I still don't get it."

"Okay then, it's because we want to appear as benign adventurers, as opposed to the small, treasure obsessed, corpse raiding mercenary army we really are."

"Oh, okay then. One more question. Why do you always take Jolee and Juhani? Why not me?"

"Because you can't use force lighting."

"That's religious discrimination you know."

"Oh, shut up Carth."

AN: so I've dug this story up at last. surely not! Surely it had been deleted or discontinued, or eaten by a Lynock! but no, the feedback for a single chapter reached eight reviews, unprecedented for one of my stories, so says I , hmmm, there must be something to the Fuzz-ball army story, perhaps I should dust it off and see if I feel like writing in it again, and behold I did. And it was deliciously zany, so I shall continue to write in it, until my inner six year old gets distracted once again. Pray for that child, pray she does not get distracted. Pray dammit!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

Chapter three

The ramp hissed down to touch the ground, admitting the three Jedi (understand this term is used dubiously, there are certain parties more in favor of the term 'force adept', or even, 'sagaciously challenged', if you want to be really mean.) On to Dantooine.

A Dantooine that was not in fact a smoldering hell littered with the corpses of hundreds of pompous spoon-benders. Dantooine was instead just as insufferably dull as always; the wind blew gently across the plains, while the gigantic fish things undulated slowly across the sky, and the landing pad bustled with what commerce the backwater planet could scrape together. Nobody seemed to realize that they should all be charred and twisted victims of irony.

Sirvall stared around in amazement. The enclave was still standing.

"Nobodies dead." She said.

"Don't sound so disappointed missee." Jolee retorted.

"Oh don't get me wrong, I'm overjoyed. now I can kill those masters myself."

"you're scary sometimes." Juhani said.

"The sith lord Revan should be terrifying, not just scary…wait did I say that out loud?" Sirvall was spared an answer when strangely, Bastilla came running up to them.

"I should come with you when you go to see the masters." She said pompously.

"Dammit, I thought we'd gotten rid of you." Jolee cursed

"Did anyone else get the weirdest feeling of deja vu?" Sirvall asked.

"I wouldn't know." Juhani said noncommittally.

"I should go with you when you go to see the masters." Bastilla prompted again.

"Okay, now I'm getting déjà vu." Juhani confirmed

"I should-"

"Okay! I get the picture Bastilla. Juhani, go back to the ship so miss Isengaurd here can join the group." Sirval said crossly.

"Very well, I will do it… for you, Sirvall." The Cathar turned and walked away, Sirvall watched her go before turning and walking on towards the enclave.

"Creepy dike." She muttered under her breath.

"Sirvall! She's our crewmember, you should treat her with more respect than that." Bastilla said.

"I wasn't talking about Juhani."

"wait…what?"

"You heard me. Anyway, aren't you supposed to be in Malak's cruel clutches?"

"What? Sirvall, don't joke about that kind of thing. We just escaped Taris, remember, we've got to see the Jedi masters so we can lick their boots and they can tell us what to do…why are you staring at me?"

"You meant every word you just said, didn't you?" Sirvall said in wonderment. "Alright, let's go see the masters. I'm going to kill them, you can do the boot licking." She said as she took off. Bastilla twittered nervously behind her.

"Wait…you were joking, right?"

But Sirval was not joking, she was in fact deadly serious. The only problem was , the dammed geezers wouldn't stop talking; if she couldn't get a word in edgewise, how was she supposed to deliver her death proclamation upon them in the accepted manner?

"dark side blah blah blah, suffering, blah blah blah." Said Vrook.

Pain and anger blah blah blah– " Vandar began

"Would you lot shut up! I'm trying to kill you!" Sirvall said at last.

"Kill us? Why would you want to do that? Have you fallen to the dark side?"

"No, I haven't fallen to the dark side." Sirvall replied

"Then why would you want to kill us?"

"Because you're a lot of pompous, over inflated wind bags who think it's okay to play tinker toy with my brain!"

"oh."

"ah."

"hmm."

"I told you we shouldn't have trusted that Rodian! 'Primo memory package' he said. And now look were it's got us. She saw through them about as quickly as it takes Vandar to pick up chicks at a bar!"

"Hey, girls dig the green." Vandar said with a shrug. There was the hiss of a light saber blade igniting in the background. Vrook turned to Sirvall.

"Do you really think you can take on four masters and live?" he asked her.

"I don't have to." She said.

"Wait… I thought you were here to kill us."

"I am. But I have found something far more powerful than the force! Up, down, Y, X, X, A, start!" Sirvall shouted.

"What was that?" Vrook said incredulously.

"Your death."

"what?"

"gahhh!"

"arggg!"

"aieee!"

"Oh." Vrook looked around at the other three masters dead on the ground, and could feel his own death approaching.

"You fool! Do you realize what you've done?!"

"err, killed you all? I think that's obvious enough." Sirvall said.

"No! You've destroyed the story line! Without Vandar–" Vrook was cut of by the explosion of his internal organs. Bastilla gasped in horror.

"Well, that was anticlimactic." Sirvall muttered. "c'mon Bastilla, let's go save the galaxy."


End file.
